Reasons London > Pretty Much Anywhere Else

by sassandbite

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My aunt recently took me to Moscow, St. Petersburg, and London as a graduation gift. It was glorious. And although Russia was incredibly interesting, different from most other places I’ve been, and allowed me to finally achieve my life-long ambition of getting a furry hat, London was spectacular. I’ve been a few times now and it’s always been one of my favorite cities. I even tolerate the cold for London. And I do not tolerate temperatures below 65℉. I have literally, and frequently, gotten homesick for London, a place I have never actually been in for more than a week. And don’t tell me how the charm would wear off if I actually lived there — it’s true love, and true love lasts a lifetime. While I was wandering around my beloved city I compiled an (incomplete) list of the many ways London is better than basically anywhere else.

1. There are British accents all over the place!

2. Reese’s come with three peanut butter cups in the package.

3. Everyone dresses impeccably or outrageously — whatever your opinion on it, there is a lot of style going around. And they don’t care about your opinion anyway.

4.  “Cheers” > “thanks”.

5. Their newspaper headlines are ridiculous. One example: “I threw away  £1,900 on a Rasta Banana”, accompanied by a photo of an overweight, unsmiling British woman sitting with a giant stuffed banana in a Rastafarian costume. This is headline news. They understand what’s really important.

6. Scones and clotted cream are easily accessible.

7. They’ve apparently recently discovered “ratchet” and “A’int nobody got time for that!”, both of which sound hysterical in upper-crust London accents.

8. The chocolate is infinitely better due to the lack of wax in it, every other sweet involves caramel or toffee, both of which are the best sugary ingredients ever, and salt and vinegar chips are the rule, not the exception.

9. You can easily walk a lot of places, which is great because clearly I would get so fat if I lived there.

10. There are cool landmarks and stuff everywhere. Like, you go to Windsor for the day and you’re wandering around the grounds and it’s like, inside that building, possibly fifty feet away from you, the Queen of England is pooping. If she even does that kind of thing, I don’t know.

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Was I repeatedly mistaken for a Royal Guard? Maybe. I regret nothing.

 

 

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