An Open Cease-and-Desist Letter to Whoever’s In Charge of Holidays and Advertising and Time and Stuff
This has gone too. far. I am putting my foot down.
I just heard the ice cream truck outside my office playing Christmas carols. I know that it is now playing exclusively Christmas carols because it chose to sit outside and taunt me for nearly 20 minutes as I sit trapped at a desk, ice cream-less. But that’s another story.
This the last straw. The media and the world and the people in charge of Target and stores have all been trying to convince me that Christmas was yesterday, and I am tired of it. I started seeing Halloween stuff in August, for Christ’s sake. I saw disturbing cartoon Thanksgiving turkeys in several establishments this week. Christmas things are starting to pop up in place of the Fall things they’re already discounting. And I am done with it. Fall is basically the best season (summer has a slight lead, obviously), filled with great things — like the start of The Holidays — and you are ruining it. You know what you’re doing?
You are blowing your load too early.
Is that what you want? Is it? Don’t make me bored and tired of Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas six months beforehand. Please. Like some other things in life, no matter how fun and exciting it is, you don’t want to get to the finish too quickly. Know what I’m sayin’? Good, I’m glad we had this talk.
But seriously, I haven’t even thought of my Halloween costume yet. So pump. the. brakes.