Words of Wisdom

by sassandbite

“The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on — it is never of any use to oneself.” -Oscar Wilde

1. We need to discuss your plastic bra straps. I know the package says “Invisible!”, but they’re not. We can see them and they’re tacky.

2. If the sign says “authentic”, it isn’t.

3. Just because he said it when he was drunk doesn’t mean he meant it.

4. To my autocorrect: no, I did not mean to say “ducking” or “Fu King”. Don’t censor me!

5. Walk around the outside of the van. Don’t you watch TV? There is undoubtedly a serial killer lurking in there.

6. In the words of my beloved grandmother, women with immaculate houses are boring.

7. For real though, at least clean up the kitchen. Crusted-on food doesn’t have quite the same aura of lived-in chaos and joie de vivre as scattered books and articles of clothing.