Things that Make Me Irrationally Irritated

by sassandbite

Have you ever been trapped with a child somewhere (so begin all good questions) and you realize you have to entertain them somehow but you have no toys or books or whatever so you just have to make something up?

That’s what I feel like right now. I was going to post a recipe, but I seem to have misplaced the cord that connects my camera to my computer. No idea where it is. Less than no idea. It’s not in any of three places I normally put it, and I don’t remember the last time I used it. So. Yeah.

And that preemptive answer to the imaginary naggy person in my head made me think of how much I dislike being asked where was the last place I put it. I’m sure you’re trying to be helpful, but I loathe that question. Clearly if I knew that, I wouldn’t be asking where it was. Duh.

I find I’m fairly indifferent to a lot of things that ordinarily make people tear their hair out — like long lines, for instance. Or Miley Cyrus. But there are some things that make me much more aggravated than they reasonably should. So, in no particular order, and in the hopes of entertaining you:

1. When people ask if I’m waiting to try stuff on. . . as I’m standing at the doorway of a dressing room holding several articles of clothing.

2. The use of the word “slathered” when describing food.

3. People mis-using colors. For example, calling a handbag Kelly green when it is clearly forest green. You would be astounded at how often this has been an issue in my life.

4. That one guy on Yelp who referred to guacamole as “avocado dip”.

5. People standing on escalators. I got shit to do today.

6. Filters on pictures of food that make it impossible to tell what I’m looking at. Is that egg white or lettuce? Regardless, why is it bright purple?

7. People using “marker” and “Magic Marker” interchangeably. Markers can be found in any store or stolen from any child’s pencil box. Magic Markers are one of the greatest inventions in the history of ever, bringing joy and magic to the lives of 90’s kids everywhere. You can change a turquoise marker to pink on the paper, I mean. . . Please. Show some respect.

8. Girls who can’t walk in their heels.

9. Perfectly standard names being spelled with a Y for no apparent reason. See: Carsyn, Nycole, Jazzmyn, etc. I’m sorry but you can’t just play around with the alphabet willy-nilly.