People Who are Somehow Gainfully Employed While My Resume is Probably Being Automatically Deleted by Some Intern Somewhere

by sassandbite

Sometimes I marvel at the people who have managed to get someone to pay them to theoretically do a job. Especially when it’s a job I was rejected from. A short list of those people:

1. The 25-year old who asked me what the word “peculiar” meant.

2. The cashier who, when I handed her a $20 bill and 18 cents to pay for my $18.18 purchase, asked why I was giving her extra money, because now she would have to give me money back. I gave her the benefit of the doubt — God knows I have my ditzy moments — and pointed out that she would have to give me money back anyway, because even without the 18 cents in coins, she would still owe me $1.82, but this way she could just give me two dollar bills instead of a bunch of coins.
And she could not grasp this concept. I had to explain to her twice how I wasn’t just pointlessly handing over piles of money she would just hand right back to me, at which point she did us both a favor and pretended she understood and just rang it up.
How do I know she was pretending? Because as I was halfway out the door, she said “Ooooooh. . . . I get it now”.

3. The man who told me how, when he was starting out as a PA, he was known for taking twice as long as every other PA at doing everything — because he frequently went shopping, took naps, went to Barnes and Noble to read, or hit up Starbucks when he was supposed to be out doing things.

4. The girl I went to high school with who thought that Inglorious Basterds was the true story of how World War II ended.

5. The waitress who was a total bitch from the get-go, then took our orders and didn’t bring my friend’s beer and disappeared for a half hour. When he finally got her to come back so he could tell her, she left and came back five minutes later, saying, in the snottiest voice possible, “We don’t have it anymore. That’s why you didn’t get it”, with an unspoken-but-very-clear “you total fucking idiot” tacked on the end.  And then stomped away without taking his order for a different beer.

6. Whoever is responsible at the Starbucks on Lankershim for ordering supplies and making sure they have things like, um, cups. And travelers. You’re Starbucks, how do you run out of these things?

7. The lifeguard who admitted to me that he frequently took naps behind his sunglasses while on duty.

8. The girl who I was trying to arrange an interview with who doesn’t understand the difference between “by” a certain time and “after” a certain time, and whose email was riddled with other typos, including but not limited to, her boss’s insistence that her employees have “good atention to detail”.

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