I’m Not Clear on the Difference Between Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day, But I Orchestrate my Spring Schedule Around the Oscars

by sassandbite

I take the Oscars pretty damn seriously. It’s like a national holiday for me. I don’t watch with other people because they talk too much and distract from the spectacle of it all. My own mother could be stranded at the airport in a rainstorm without an umbrella and need a ride home, and I would pay for her cab rather than go pick her up and miss the Academy Awards.

I also really love gold. It’s in the top three colors of the palette of my life. It makes everything better, like that handsome baldie Oscar. Just to set the tone for the weekend, some golden gowns that I think we can all agree would look way better on me than on any of these models.

Julien MacDonald A/W 2014

Julien MacDonald A/W 2014

Versace

Versace

5dc7b04806745b5e9a7a38685b44c8f6

Altuzarra S/S 2013

Chanel 1931, owned by Gloria Swanson

Chanel 1931, owned by Gloria Swanson

c59a1b287686f22e6635c1bea23a795a

Lily Donaldson by Terry Richardson (ugh)

Lily Donaldson by Terry Richardson (ugh)

Alexander McQueen, I want to say 2013

Alexander McQueen 

Zac Posen S/S 2014

Zac Posen S/S 2014

Vogue 2007

Vogue 2007

And finally, just because why the hell not:

Can't find a source for this, but I like that she's a rabble-rouser

We’d for sure have to negotiate that 80’s high-bikini cut, but I’d do it.

Advertisements