I’m Not Clear on the Difference Between Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day, But I Orchestrate my Spring Schedule Around the Oscars
I take the Oscars pretty damn seriously. It’s like a national holiday for me. I don’t watch with other people because they talk too much and distract from the spectacle of it all. My own mother could be stranded at the airport in a rainstorm without an umbrella and need a ride home, and I would pay for her cab rather than go pick her up and miss the Academy Awards.
I also really love gold. It’s in the top three colors of the palette of my life. It makes everything better, like that handsome baldie Oscar. Just to set the tone for the weekend, some golden gowns that I think we can all agree would look way better on me than on any of these models.
And finally, just because why the hell not:
We’d for sure have to negotiate that 80’s high-bikini cut, but I’d do it.