“The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on — it is never of any use to oneself.”
— Oscar Wilde
1. Don’t let anyone who refers to bananas as “nanas” or “nanners” tell you shit about life.
2. There are two kinds of people in the world: people who eat their least favorite thing on the plate first, and people who eat it last.
3. After one week of not having watched the latest episode of a show, your right to insist that no one talk about it in front of you / on Facebook / Instagram / the internet in general / anywhere you might conceivably see or hear about it ever, expires.
4. Chin up, cutie.
5. Gents: if you give me that bullshit limp-fish handshake, you will immediately earn my disdain. Not even for the inherent misogyny in it, just because there’s something pathetic about a grown-ass man who can’t give a proper handshake.
6. Just because it’s on sale doesn’t mean you should buy it. Don’t buy things you’re lukewarm about regardless of the price — wait for something sensational.
7. Also, consider the possibility that it’s on sale for a reason. Namely, that it’s heinous.
8. Can we all agree to stop adding bacon to everything? The bacon thing is over. Let it go.